not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
