we have officially lost it.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
