If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
