Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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