Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
