You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
