just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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