It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
