I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
