Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
