I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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