"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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