just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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