now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
