We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
