Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
