He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Randomize
