I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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