My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
