put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
