so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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