playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
