You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
