At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
