Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
