wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize