is your mom at the bar?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
