my room smells like sperm. sweet.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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