i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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