I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
