I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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