God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
