my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
