take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
