no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
