Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
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