THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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