You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
