I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
