do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
