It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
