I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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