I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
