Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
