I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
