Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
