There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize