i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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