She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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