I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
