my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
