it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
