then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
