Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize