Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
