Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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