I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
