Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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