and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Randomize
