Whatcha textin bout Willis?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
