He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
