Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
