It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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