I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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