You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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