well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
