no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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