why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
