Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize