Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
