when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
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