I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
