I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
