I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
