His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
