I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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