She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
