Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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