im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
